So Highschool

Hi, It’s Heather. I hope I’m not the problem. I probably am. Aren’t we all? Am I vulnerable enough or brave enough to feel the feels? Is my heart open enough to feel “So High School” all over again? 

In high school, I had crushes, but was never brave enough to do anything about them. Who would want to be that vulnerable? My husband and I met when I was 27.  I was finally old enough to be brave and confident not to dwell on the doubts. What did I have to lose? If he didn’t like me, then that’s on him. I’ll move on if he doesn’t like me.

Fortunately for me, and our three children, he did like me. Unfortunately, after more than 24 years of marriage he didn’t appreciate me waking him up with “So High School” every day for a week after Tortured Poets was released. Okay, so he would add that it was usually at six in the morning. 

Listening to “So High School” accomplished what I wanted though. It brought back those early relationship memories and reminded me of what I love about him. And, it’s very relatable. All of it. The only difference is in (Heather’s Version) the line would be “the kids are around so be quiet.” 

After all these years, there is a certain amount of freedom to feel “so high school” all over again. It has given me the bravery to feel vulnerable again and stir those still glowing embers that sometimes feel extinguished as we live our daily lives.

I’ve noticed that I’m brave in other ways too. I’ve increased in confidence in ways I never would have expected. My writing has expanded beyond what I believed was possible. For the last dozen years or so, all of my writing was for documentation that often gets ignored unless there is court involvement. I also co-host a podcast I absolutely love. Faith and I presented at a conference last month and have other big plans brewing. 

Being brave and vulnerable also extends to this blog. After seeing “Wicked” a few weeks ago, I began to feel like the woman behind the curtain and not being my authentic self. So far, I’ve been doing this third person professional type blog as if I were writing notes or a professional letter. I was expecting absolute perfection in each word. 

Then I wrote the blog for “How Did It End?” I realized that while I do need to evaluate and improve, it’s okay if it’s not absolutely perfect. I feel a sense of vulnerability in my writing. I wonder if that’s how Taylor feels when she writes. She is so brave and just puts it all out there and shares it all with the world. 
I want to be brave and loved like Taylor. I also want you to be brave and loved. You are brave. You are also loved, rooted and worthy. Remember that. 

By Heather Olson, LPC-S